Dear Ultimate Abbey, My husband and I are sexually active. However, I know I can enjoy sex more than I am now. We have been married over seven years and I find it hard to tell him what I like in bed. He is definitely willing to please me and is not selfish. How and when is the right time to talk about what will give me an orgasm?

Dear Mrs. Potential, My first words, (you may not like) give the man a break! LOL I’m going to use a silly metaphor to help us understand what it is like for a man to

Dear Mrs. Potential,

My first words, (you may not like) give the man a break! LOL I’m going to use a silly metaphor to help us understand what it is like for a man to try to please a woman. Trying to please a woman is like trying to refinish furniture when you know nothing about refinishing furniture! I compare a man trying to please a woman to this task because over quarantine I tried to refinish an old dresser from the 70’s.

Here is my experience… I had finally completed the sanding of the old paint, the paint, the decals, and now it was time to sand the first coat of polyurethane to prepare it for a second coat. As I am sanding I realize that this process is tedious and unfamiliar to me. I begin to ask my husband a ton of questions about sanding the polyurethane because I felt like I was going to ruin all my work.  I began to ask my husband several questions. “Hun did I miss any spots? Is that the right spot? Should I sand more should I have sanded less there? Should I sand fast or slow? Will it make a difference? As I asked my husband all of these questions we both start laughing. He responds, “these are all the questions I had when I tried to figure out how to please you!” LOL he continued “sometimes slow sometimes fast it’s not easy to figure out.” I sort of felt bad for him…

To know exactly how much, where, how much pressure, etc There is so much attention to detail! Not to mention there are different types of orgasms. Yes, now we are talking about sex not sanding!

Think of it this way Mrs. Potential, the sooner you have this conversation or pull his hand or penis in a certain direction the sooner you are going to hit that high. I am sure you like most women are in need of that!  There really is no need to discuss the past in this situation. Take the next opportunity and show your husband. Trust me he would like that! Men tend to be hands-on learners. This time you can skip the conversation.

Sincerely, ( wink wink)
Ultimate Abbey